I visited a coffee shop in town for a mid-morning chill and an escape from the mayhem that is Christmas shopping. It was busy in there but I'm a patient sort of guy and waited my turn in the queue.
I have almost made it to the front when the bloke ahead of me orders a coffee and then begins to browse the cakes and pastries. He stares at the glass display case, his head moving back and forth as if he’s at the Wimbledon men’s singles final. I’m getting a little impatient now, the queue, the shoppers out there, and I’m a little peckish too. Who browses cakes as if they are going to make a major life changing purchase anyway?
The assistant is waiting patiently for a decision, aware that she has a queue of eager people waiting who have already smelled the coffee. The bloke looks up at the assistant and says, “Uh... I think I’ll...” He stares at the display again, his gaze taking in the wares... “uh, yeah... I think I’ll... let me see... I dunno...” His indecisiveness is starting to get on my nerves. I’m thinking, ‘Mate, you’re a bloke, not a seven year old. Choose a frigging cake and let the rest of us get on with our day.’ He then makes a decision, but it's still tinged with vagueness. “I think I'll go for the... uh, yeah... a mince pie.” The assistant reaches for one but is interrupted. “Sorry, no. I’ll try a custard tart.”
I’m pretty irritable by now. This should not be such a significant transaction. I want to tap him on the shoulder and say, “Mate, you can’t try a custard tart. You either buy one or you don’t. What you gonna do? Ask for a gift receipt and if you don’t like it after you’ve chomped into it, take it back and get a refund? Nah, just make your frigging mind up, choose something and go sit down somewhere.” But, instead, I just clench my teeth and feel justified in my developing rage. I mean surely the point is you don’t need to tell the assistant you are going to TRY the product. You just order one and if you don’t like it, you leave it on your plate. The assistant is hardly going to resell it after you’ve ‘tried’ it. And if the guy had stopped fannying about and just ordered a coffee and a custard tart without embellishing his order by telling the assistant what he was going to do, I might have got served sooner.
My order was simple... “A tea please and one of those cakes.”
(For the attentive amongst you, yes, it was a coffee shop, but they sell tea too!)
