Coffee Pods

I think I’ve developed a strange addiction to coffee pods! I keep buying them even when I don’t need any. However, I think I’ve worked out why. I don’t actually buy them for the flavour. It’s the colours! I like the colours and the patterns they make when stacked up. I’m sure I can get help. I mean there’s support out there for most addictions, isn’t there?

I can just imagine my first session at ‘Addictions Anonymous’…

“Hello. My name’s Pa… uh… I mean, erm… Zbigieneski Satan-Crank and I’m addicted to -"

“You Polish?” says an attendee sitting opposite.

“Sorry?”

“I said, you Polish?”

“Polish? Uh, no. Why?”

“Just wondered. A lot of Polish people got names beginning with ‘Z’. Not all, mind, but y’know.”

“Have they? No, I'm not, uh... it’s just a made up name because, well, it’s meant to be anonymous here, isn’t it? Anyway, erm… I’m addicted to -"

“You from the Channel Islands then?”

“What? The Channel Islands?”

“Yeah, y’know. Jersey, Guernsey and that.”

“I know where the Channel Islands are. No, I’m not from there. Why?”

“All right, pal, keep yer hair on. Just thought you might be, on account of that posh surname of yours.”

“My surna… no! That’s made up, like I just -"

“Can we just get on with it mister… Satan-Clarke,” says the session facilitator.

“Crank. It’s Crank… Satan-Crank… well, for the purposes of this meeting it is. Anyway, as I was trying to say, I have an addiction, which is why I’m here." I hesitate. "This is going to sound weird but -"

"We don't make judgments here, Mr...Crank... err, Satan."

"Satan-Crank. Look, that doesn't matter. I'm just here because of the addiction."

"Okay, that's why everybody's here. It's fine. Just let it out."

"Coffee pods.”

"Coffee pods?" replies the facilitator.

"Yes. I seem to have developed an addiction to them."

“Oh, a caffeine addiction. That's not that unusual… unless it’s out of control and affecting your health?”

“No, not caffeine. The actual pods, you know… the capsules.”

“The capsules?”

“Yes, that’s what I’m trying to say. The little metallic pods that contain the coffee.”

“Ah, a material fetish! You like the texture, the feel of the aluminium?”

“No. I just like the colours. Although I drink coffee, I buy them based on the colour of the pod as I like to arrange them so they create a colourful feature in my kitchen. I can't stop myself buying them even when I don't need them."

The facilitator rolls her eyes. “I'm not sure you're in the right place, Satan... erm, mister Clarke-Crank. Have you thought of going to art classes?”