Online Shopping Rage

Warning: Contains adult language.

Anyone else suffer from online shopping rage? I don't mean the grocery buying thing - I've never really done that as it requires planning ahead for meals, I would think. You know, I'm having this particular combination/menu on Monday, this on Tuesday, this one Wednesday and so on. And I'm a bloke... I ain't gonna do that! No, with food shopping I like to visit the shop, see 'stuff' in front of me and then put it in the basket. There is no plan. Consequently, when my provisions are at critically low level, I go to the refrigerator to see what I have left and what might make a meal, and get on with it. I did have to be particularly creative once when all I had left was bread, raspberries, potatoes and mustard! 

But, I'm veering away from the point. So the type of online shopping rage I'm referring to is when you want to buy a product, for example, a camera, a mattress, a jacket or a table, to name a few one-off type purchases. (I was actually looking for a mattress when I had my latest bout of shopping rage!) 

So, you go on line, Google the product you want and up comes a number of sites. You browse as far as the first three - any lower and you think you are going to get dodgy goods - and click on a site. Then it starts!

All you want to do is get an idea of what's out there, at your leisure, so you can maybe make a choice based on what appeals to you. This is just the browsing stage. It doesn't have to be complicated. But, no, it pans out like this:

Cookies - 'This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. Do you accept?' 

Instant reaction - "Yes! I do. Everybody uses cookies now. We don't care, yeah? We don't even notice. We're used to our web searches being tracked. And you ain't concerned about me getting the 'best experience.' No, you're only putting that up because the law says you have to and and then you can bombard me with crap I don't want. "

Live Chat - 'Hi. Looking for a mattress? Anything I can help with?'

Instant reaction - "No. Fuck off. Of course I'm looking for a mattress. That's why I'm on the page that sells frigging mattresses. What d'you think I'm looking for? A baby giraffe?"

Discount - 'Get 10% off your next purchase.'

Instant reaction - "Next purchase? I haven't made any purchases yet. I'm just looking! And already you're assuming that I'm gonna make a 'next one'? Anyway, if your mattresses are any good, why would I come back for another one? I'd have one. So, sod off. You're not trying to do me any favours. You just want my email address."

Privacy Policy - A bunch of words that contain things like, '...our services may contain links to third party websites and applications.'

Instant reaction - "I don't care. I ain't reading all that. I just wanna buy a frigging mattress! If I buy one, you can share that shit. Who cares? I'm never gonna deny it! And what d'you mean your 'services may contain links to third party websites and applications?' May? Of course they do. Don't talk bollocks. Just put that, tell it like it is. They do contain links. End of story!

Terms & Conditions - If you do make a purchase then you have the T&Cs to read.

Instant reaction - "Bollocks. Just get me to the checkout. Nobody reads 180 pages of legal waffle that they don't understand and which, if ever I needed to apply, you'd wriggle out of anyway because no doubt it would be me who did something wrong. So, I ain't reading that either. Anyway, I'm buying a frigging mattress, not a baby giraffe. How complicated can it be? 

So, by the time I've gone through this several times, I've lost the will and enthusiasm to shop for anything.

I've decided to sleep on the floor!