Call Waiting

Call waiting. Yes, you know, that period when you are waiting to speak with someone after you get through the AI barrier that takes you around in circles back to your original question, and then finally you reach a human who doesn't know what the f**k the answer is so they say, "I'm just going to put you on hold while I speak with my manager." 

So, I'm wondering why aren’t people just straight? You know, just tell it like it is. There are options that would at least make you feel like you're important. How about...

1. “Okay, If you’d like to hold, I’ll just check that for you, sir. In the meantime, I’m going to play some really shit music that you didn’t request, probably don’t want to hear and at a volume that really should require you to wear ear defenders. I should warn you this is some crap electronic music from the eighties 'cos everybody seems to be into eighties music for some reason, but if you're not then ... tough. Roll with it.”

2. "Your call is not that important to us, even though we say it is. In fact parting you from your money is way more important. Oh, and our time is much more valuable than yours, so we'll just keep you waiting for as long as it suits us. Plus it gives me time to finish texting my friends about where we're going tonight."

3. "I'm just going to put you on hold while I speak with my manager because I don't have a clue what you're talking about. Yeah, I know I work here and, okay, maybe I should know something about our products, but, to be honest, I couldn't give a toss about the shit we sell so I've never bothered learning about it. And 'cos I work for a shit company, I've not been trained in customer service neither. So if you just hold on I'll come back with some bullshit that suits us but not you. Okay?" 

As soon as you hear the hold music, kill the frigging call!