BBQs

Does anyone else get irritated by people using the silly abbreviation ‘BBQ’ - abbreviated in recent years by those whose vocabulary never surfaces above 'txtspk' to BBQ (and even then it still looks like a far east television station) - when referring to having a barbecue? I mean, there’s no 'Q' in the proper English spelling of the word. And, the actual word is not pronounced ‘bee bee cue’. 

“Fancy coming over on Sunday for a bee bee cue?”
“Sorry? A what!”
“A bee bee cue.”
“Uh... not sure... is that some sort of code?”
“Code? No, just... you know, err, a process for burning perfectly good food in my garden 'cos it gives me that sense of being 'back to nature' and makes me feel in control of something, like a tribal leader after a hunt. 

Mate. Calm down You got the sausages in Waitrose. You didn't hunt down some wildebeest and make burgers out of it. And, what's more, take a look around your territory. Yeah, you've got a perfectly good kitchen just ten metres away full of the modern appliances that can prepare food to a high standard with limited effort from the chef. And another thing, if you're going to 'get back to nature' shouldn't you be cooking over a pile of logs and not on some fancy contraption with dials all over the front that you plug in to the electrical supply?

And why do we plan barbecues in the UK anyway? We live in the northern hemisphere. It 'pleuts' down with rain even in the height of summer. There's no point in inviting all your friends around for such an event weeks ahead of it - well, not unless you live in the Outback of Australia where you are guaranteed barbecue weather. In this country you are more than likely to be holding the barbecue skewer in one hand and an umbrella in the other, prodding the slowly incinerating sausages around the grill, a steely determined and optimistic look on your face as the rain dribbles down the back of your Hawaiian shirt into your baggy shorts and your toes freeze in your flip flops. Your guests will also need an umbrella, a good set of waterproofs and a lifeboat crew on speed dial. But, no, the hardy English, irrespective of the weather, will show up in shorts and tee shirts, crack a beer pulled from a makeshift ice bucket that is not required because the temperature would make a hardened skier consider another layer, and ignore the looming cumulonimbus as they queue for an incinerated sausage.

So if you must drag out the barbecue, do it on an off-the-cuff basis. Meanwhile, I will continue to cook my sausages in the oven.*

*Having said that, see 'SAUSAGES' published in July 22 in this blog.