Party Poopers

I’m not the most sociable of people, I know that, but I do go out. So the other night I attended a sports club do,  just, you know, to mix in, that sort of thing. There was a band, a good one, doing covers, but they pitched the set at the ‘middle aged’ and, you know what that means. Yes, they’ll have a hard time pleasing all musical tastes and have to fall back on music that many considered shite when it first came out!

Anyway, after three tunes there was a lull when one of the staff at the venue came up to the lead singer/guitarist and whispered something. The guy then turned away and said into the mic, “We’ve been asked to turn down the volume as some people think it’s a tad loud.”

I couldn’t believe it so after the next tune, I asked the singer if that had actually happened. He said it had and it was a request by someone who was actually in the audience! Who goes to a ‘do’ which has a live band advertised and says it’s too loud? The band was made up of two guitarists, a bass guitar and, crucially, a drummer! You can’t play drums quietly to upbeat music.

Party pooper.

Despite that intervention the band pressed on with their ‘middle of the road, don’t rock the boat’ set, no doubt hoping that the people who don’t get out much could cope with the new volume level and the ‘middle-aged’ would be enamoured by the mainstream set list. After a while it seemed that this was the case. No doubt alcohol had helped ‘oil the wheels’ and the audience began to act a bit more upbeat. But that also means lots of people suddenly do ‘middle aged’ dancing. Look, I’m not knocking ‘middle-aged’ people per se – I happen to be in that category myself – but I’m sure you know what I mean.

So, I’m standing at the bar minding my own business, perhaps a tad aloof (like I said, I’m unsociable) when this guy starts doing that thing where you link arms with people and spin around. I’d seen him do it with other innocent bystanders, saw him approach and was ready. He tried to grab my arm in that arm link thing, but I batted him off and said, “No, mate.” But he wasn’t having it; he was on some sort of dance mission and came back for another grab. Apart from the fact I’m unsociable, I also thought I ain’t engaging with a geezer in a pink t-shirt with a stupid logo and dodgy decorator jeans when I’ve taken the trouble to dress up just because he’s a happy-clappy dick who thinks that as we’re at a social do we should all engage in chimpanzee-like behaviour.

I’d been keeping an eye on the Fury/Chisora fight so my mindset was on the offensive. As he came in for a second dance-grab, I thought of throwing a right cross and knocking the geezer out - he was six inches shorter than me and whilst I cannot claim to possess an Iron Mike shot, an Ali-like right cross, the sort that took Liston out and a few others, with its element of shock and surprise, would have stunned the nob, especially as he was on the front foot coming at me (like Sonny was in the aforementioned Ali/Liston fight) - but my sensible side knew I would have been banned (last time I threw a shot I ended up on my face on the pavement courtesy of some edgy club bouncers.) So, I pushed his grabbing hand away and emphasised ‘NO’ big time. He got the message, well with me anyway, and decided to impose his brand of ‘this is how you enjoy yourself’ upon some other hapless sucka.  

Party pooper.